Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Village Idiot of the Day, September 21, 2009: goodnewstoday

Who knew that unemployment benefits are a gift from the government to the uneducated, lazy, and dumb, stupid enough to be outsourced, downsized, and shut down, and can't find another job short of moving to Bombay?

"goodnewstoday" does.

House Moves to Extend Employment Benefits
There is no obligation to provide unemployment compensation to anyone. It is not Constituitonally mandated, it is not included in the Bill of Rights and is not an entitlement but a BENEFIT that your fellow citizens have decided to GIFT you with through the principle of universal participation. Stop complaining and show some gratitude. In the early 1930's you were on your own...period...too bad, so sad. Because of the value of compassion today there is a safety net. With a total of 26 weeks plus 13 weeks plus 53 weeks and restructured rulings on pursuing education, a person seeking full compensation benefits can complete a trade certificate or associate degree program to retrain for 21st century employment. Put those funds together with available financial aid and the only other thing your fellow citizens can do to help you bridge your unemployment that isn't being made available to you is to put you in their cars and drive you to the training site themselves. Wait... there are agencies that will do that too. Buckle down and buck up!

I Hate Canton worked decades and paid into Unemployment. Being the lazy vengeful person we are, we even collected it a couple times when our employers went out of business, one due to a predatory takeover, the other after the owner was arrested for paycheck kiting. Back in those days we had a little book in which we had to list where we looked for work each week, and a "counselor" randomly calling the hapless marks on our little cheat sheet to catch us in a lie. WHBC, Camelot Music, the News Depot, the library..and...the Rep. We are, in fact, surprised that the Rep hasn't put up a memorial bench in honor of IHC's dashed dreams of journo fame and fortune. Just think. If things had worked out as they shoulda, Charita Goshay would be I Hate Canton, and we would be nailed to the comment cross each week. Little did we know back then that we were nothing but a welfare whore. A chiseler. A babymamadaddie. Wait a minute! No baby!

That we remember.

We do admit, though, to once drinking two bottles of Ripple before walking to the Unemployment office on N. Cleveland to stand in line with the whores, bums and liars.

In memory of our days on Unemployment we are happy to give goodnewstoday, the Village Idiot of the Day award for September 21, 2009.


John E said...

IHC wasn't the only one standing in an unemployment line with the "book" and dutifully reporting every two weeks for benefits into which IHC and I paid into before ever asking for anything in return. The way we were treated back in the day. Fed up one week I abruptly informed the "counselor" if it wasn't for my misfortune he would be out of a job. Thankfully I was gainfully employed by the next time I was due to stand in line and beg so that was one crow I did not have to eat. "goodnewstoday" has been lucky to have never been in such a situation, otherwise s/he would not be as haughty.

Margaret said...

Yep, I, too, remember those days of standing in the line and being treated like dirt because I was trying to collect some of the money that had been taken out of my paycheck.
They were good at taking it but when it came time to collect... oh, that was just for no good lazy bums.
Also remember the little book listing where I had applied for work and how the state would try their best to get out of paying.
I have nothing but bad memories about collecting unemployment compensation.